A Discussion About Reverse Psychology

This is a concept I have seen used a few times lately, and so those examples called me to action to write this article. Reverse psychology is one of the strongest ways to get someone to do something, if they are a competitive person, because it makes use of an indirect challenge. Here I discuss reverse psychology and what I make of it.

Some Examples

• “I bet you can’t finish that book”
• “Don’t read this book.”
• “You might be better suited for an easier project.”

Reverse psychology hits us at the child in us. When you tell a young person not to do something, you might notice that part of them now really wants to try out what you said to not try out. There is that desire to show you that you were wrong in thinking the person could not handle the task.

This Is Counter-Intuitive

One thing to remember about reverse psychology is that it is counter-intuitive. Most of the great strategies like it are counter-intuitive, partly by definition, because if they were intuitive, more people would already be using them. It takes some extra thought to implement reverse psychology in your communications or dealings with others.

Things tend to work backwards. When you don’t show that you like someone, they like you more. When you show that you like them, they don’t show that they like you as much. When you have less, you tend to want to show off more. When you have more, you tend to want to not show off what you have as much.

Reverse Psychology Makes For Great Calls To Action

In the same way, reverse psychology works better than telling someone to directly do something. People always think we have some plan behind what we do, which is almost always true, so they are not so likely to listen to direct calls to action as strongly as indirect ones. We are more receptive to what we feel is the right thing to do, based on trends and subtle recommendations, than in-your-face rhetoric.

Think About What Has Worked On You

Next time you really want someone to do something, think through the process you have in mind to get them to do it. Would you be convinced by your direct efforts, or would you more likely accept an indirect message? If I tell you to read “Pride And Prejudice” because it is good for you, will that have as much of an impact as telling you to not read it because it will change the way you think? My examples are mostly book-related for some reason, but this would work in any example.

Exclusion Is Persuasive

One key reason reverse psychology works is that it excludes instead of includes. What I mean by this is that it tells the person that they are outside the box and probably can’t handle getting into the box, while regular direct calls to action present themselves as though the person can easily do whatever it is that needs to be done, and that they just needed a reminder. The exclusion makes others feel like they will “miss the boat”, so to speak, if they don’t take part in whatever it is that you are presenting.

Telling Someone The Obvious Opposite Challenges Them

Reverse psychology also includes a bit of challenge. When you use it, it is like you are telling someone that they aren’t up to par in some respect, and so any person with some semblance of competitiveness will look to prove you wrong. It is like telling a 3rd grader “you can’t make that shot” in basketball, or telling a student “you don’t have what it takes to be an engineer”.

Only Use This With Stronger Folks

This suggests that reverse psychology is mostly relevant to use with people that have somewhat of a strong foundation, so that it doesn’t cause them to curl up into a ball. It is not to say that these individuals can’t be helped in a similar way, but reverse psychology might be a bit much for them to handle. It would be akin to challenging a person who recently broke their arm to an arm-wrestling match.

On the other hand, this is a positive about reverse psychology, because it can be used as a filter to see who is strong and who gets defensive or quiet. If you have found that you deal best with strong people, you probably already use some sort of filter to keep your relations with those similar to your type. This is just another strategy along that path.

Use Of Reverse Psychology Shows Your Conquer Of Fear

As far as what you get out of it, you not only get feedback, but you also show strength. Only individuals who are ready for some backlash or unanticipated responses will try out reverse psychology methods. It takes a bold person to not be afraid that some people won’t “get it”, and will respond in a harsh fashion. Sacrifices like having to deal with harsh responses are what it takes to stay on the fast track. The same people who are not worried about social repercussions are the same ones who fly ahead of the rest of the population in their endeavors. This is not to say to do something dangerous or obviously foolish, but to challenge others a bit. When you challenge others in some way, they will likely be perturbed or annoyed at first, but they will later be glad that someone cared enough to activate them, get them thinking, or wake them up in general.

This Method Is Used All Around Us

I have a lot to say about this topic because I usually keep quiet when I see certain methods used until I eventually have a desire to discuss them in full. Reverse psychology is obviously a more advanced technique than making a regular argument with supporting evidence, but it used by people in every field. Lawyers certainly use it to plant ideas in the minds of jurors, without having to utter a word of the ideas out loud. Some savvy teachers use reverse psychology to get their brightest students to taken on creative projects.

On that note, I am not describing use of reverse psychology as having a positive or negative connotation, but pointing out that it is a valuable tool. If a river is flowing southward at some certain speed, it is not bad or good, and the people crossing it just have to adapt if they want to cross it. This is the same way.

Give it a try next time. If you are trying to convince someone to do something, and have tried similarly without success in the past, try doing so in a new way this time, by communicating to them some form of the opposite of what you are looking for them to do. If this method works, then your goal came out as desired, and if it doesn’t work, you’ll know that they’d not be likely to do or try what you were hoping for.

What are your thoughts about reverse psychology methods?  Do you use them yourself?  Let us know in the comments.

photo credit: Capture Queen ™

Tagged as: convincing, exclusion, persuasion, reverse psychology