photo credit: Jacob Bøtter
If you are a businessperson, when you worry that your business will fail, it is that much more likely to occur. The man or woman you like is likely to not be interested in you if you are afraid they will leave or reject you at any minute. Your own dreams are less likely to materialize if you tend to fear that they may not be reached.
Thinking of a fear is like eating a piece of candy. You can do it, but the benefits are short-lived. Thinking about a fear gives you a little comfort for a few seconds, and then your fear is a bit stronger. Each time you think of it, it gets a little stronger, until it is more potent than your desire to put forth effort against it.
When you fear that you will lose the person you desire, you start doing things that make them see you as weak. This then leads to them wanting to distance from you. You might start asking them more questions to see if they are interested in you, and they will get the feeling that you are insecure about yourself. Insecurity represents problems at some level, and people are not attracted to problems.
Give Your Plans More Power
You might as well give your plans more power than the fears you have in relation to those plans. Here is a table of examples:
| Category | Empowering Thought | Fearful Thought |
|---|---|---|
| Relationships | I am an important part of this relationship | I could lose this person at any time |
| Business | I can make this a sustainable business | Most businesses fail, and mine could be next |
| Dreams | This dream is within my grasp, within a reasonable period of time | The dream is too extreme for me, and I will not be able to reach it |
| Academics | I’m as relevant as any other student, and my question is important and likely to be on the minds of others | I better not ask this question, as I will probably then look stupid to classmates or the teacher |
| Sports | I can compete with others in my current state of fitness | I’m out of shape, so I might look pathetic if I participate |
| Sales | I have the charisma and tact necessary to get this product sold | I won’t be able to close the deal because I’m not persuasive |
Stick To Empowering Thoughts
While the items in the “Fearful Thought” column of the table might sound ridiculous next to the ones in the “Empowering Thought” column, they are not so ridiculous to us when they are thought of on their own, and people are having these fearful thoughts all day long. It’s like there are two cups. When you have fearful thoughts, you are pouring liquid into the cup labeled “failure”, and when you think empowering thoughts, you are pouring liquid into the cup labeled “success”. You want to pour more into the success cup. When you have thoughts, think about which cup you are filling.
What are your thoughts on this topic? What do you feel is a good response to have when fearful thoughts are in your mind? Let me know what you think in the comments.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Armen,
This is a great post. I really like the table that you have placed here to distinguish the slight changes in words that an Empowering Thought and Fearful thought can effect people. It is interesting the more I delve into my own personal development I see that just a small change in words can alter my belief about certain areas in my life for the better or the worst. Thank you for sharing this post that uses words to empower myself and others outcome for the better. .
Twitter: Armen
March 3, 2010 at 8:57 am
Hi Baker.
Thanks about the post. That is the first time I used a table in a post. I saw the dichotomy in place and wanted to represent it that way. It’s cool because the table was already styled as such from my styling on the Sites page.
A small change in words is huge. Sometimes a single sentence runs through our thoughts a hundred times in a day, affecting much of what we do.
I must admit that I do get concerned and times do worry. This new business venture is what I have and there is no plan B. I have a lot to lose and nothing to fall back on. It’s all I got. As concerned as I am I remain determined. That’s all I got and that’s enough.
Thank you for reminding me to foster successful thoughts instead otherwise.
Twitter: Armen
March 3, 2010 at 8:59 am
Hi El Capitan.
That worry is normal, but not so helpful I’d say. Now this is not to say to toss it away, but I’ve generally only seen good come from empowering thoughts.
From what I’ve read from business folks, they’d say to either create a plan B, or very carefully watch your plan A, in order to stabilize a sense of security. It looks like you are choosing to focus on the plan A.
Thanks about the message.
Twitter: cheryl_paris
March 2, 2010 at 11:04 pm
Hello Armen,
We think a lot on the negative side and that is because of fear only. I do agree that I fear but that is reasonable as I have built this business after going through a tough time in life. The fear keeps me alive and allows me to work harder towards achieving goals.
I would like to point out that is one reason I do not read the daily horoscope as If it is predicted good, it keeps me in a good mood. And if it is not predicted good and thinking about what can go wrong in 24 hrs…I may mess things even if they were not supposed to get messed.
We can Treat Fear as Calculated Risk. As taking calculated risk in the business helps us achieve more and regret less. Similarly if our fear is reasonable and we are hard working with a positive attitude towards the goals there should not be anything to be feared of.
Bye for now,
Chery Paris Blog
Twitter: Armen
March 3, 2010 at 9:04 am
Hi Cheryl.
That fear sure does keep us a more lively. We get a tinge of fear, and then suddenly we are more awake. It is an instant cause-effect relationship that takes place.
Those reasons for not reading the daily horoscope make sense.
I like your concept of calculated risk. Calculated risk involves our thought, which many folks say people don’t use enough, and results in high probability results. It is hard for someone else to argue against your efforts when you have put thought into them.
You’re right how often fearful thoughts impact upon people’s lives. Relationships and business, however, do require an element of ‘fearful’ thought to work alongside empowering thoughts.
In a relationship, it is not enough to feel important, because you still have to work at a relationship. Without humility, an empowering thought is simply arrogant.
In business, you can’t do without empowering thoughts, yet it’s important to be aware of weak spots that need improvement. “My business could be the next to fail if I don’t give it the due care and attention it needs. Thankfully, I’m in a position to give the required attention.”
Feeling empowered is a positive starting point. Feeling humbly empowered is a wise step forward.
Twitter: Armen
March 3, 2010 at 9:08 am
Hi Martin.
This is a relevant point that I left out there. If I keep empowering myself to push against a wall, and do it for hours, I still won’t see much in the realm of results. I’ll just have a wall with my handprints on it that would probably have to be cleaned, or maybe repainted over.
You are right that relationships and business need those bits of fearful thoughts to keep us in line with reality. An example would be thinking “does this business model have what it takes to last a few years?”. That question has no “give up” qualities in it, and reminds the thinker to check for any portions of the business model that could get dated quickly. Your example also fits.
Humble empowerment is a cool take-away concept there.
Great post Armen. I thought the comparison to filling your 2 cups was extremely helpful. We really do have to be careful and guard our thoughts so that we don’t have negative thoughts that work against us continually running through our minds. When we are really able to understand the negative impact these types of thoughts end up having, we can hopefully find the motivation to begin the process to remove them. Turning off negative thoughts is a process, but eventually we get better and better at it and are hopefully able to eliminate the majority of them. Great insights.
Sibyl – alternaview´s last blog ..Choose to “Live and Learn” and Really Take Advantage of Everything Around You
Twitter: Armen
March 3, 2010 at 9:11 am
Hi Sibyl.
Thanks about the post. I actually made a picture of the 2 cups in MS Paint, but it didn’t come out so good, so I removed it from the post, but I think my description in the post works well enough. A running cycle of weak thoughts weakens us. I have seen this occur time and time again.
It hits home when you see certain folks that decide to act as though they have all the power they need, even if it seems a bit foolish, and they skip many tough steps that others get stuck on when they try to work logically in their mind.
Twitter: mightyrasing
March 3, 2010 at 2:39 am
Hi Armen, I like how you presented the ideas in your post. It is an invitation to actually empower ourselves with our words and thoughts and not just to think positively.
Mighty´s last blog ..Adora Svitak: Writer and Teacher of Other Kids
Twitter: Armen
March 3, 2010 at 9:12 am
Hi Mighty.
Good deal there. This is true. If I feel powerful and negative, at least I know I have the ability to turn that negativity around. If I feel weak and positive, I will feel like the positive feelings could fade away any minute.
Who has the control? We do.
Armen,
I like your table of comparison at the end and yes, you’re right on their own the fearful thoughts carry a great deal of the wrong sort of power. Whilst, by definition the empowering thoughts equally carry the right sort of power.
A strategy is required to eliminate the unhelpful or fearful thoughts; allowing the development of the more powerful thoughts. Not an easy task; it takes time but I’m sure it can be achieved.
Regards
Paul
Paul´s last blog ..Rocky Road
Twitter: Armen
March 3, 2010 at 6:17 pm
Hi Paul.
Thanks about the table. I remember that one time I made a list of different kind of ways I could show information in a post, and a table was one of them. It fit well here.
Those fearful thoughts sure power us the wrong way. Every so often I go head on at one of my fears, and even though the results hurt sometimes, I am then able to get to the next stage.
You’re probably right about that strategy. They sure can be reduced, but maybe not removed completely.
Twitter: ryanbiddulph
March 3, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Armen,
I like the table. It’s a great idea to list out the thoughts travelling though the mind. Both negative and positive thought patterns must be ID’ed for us to be aware of them. When you’re aware of a destructive habit you have the power to change it.
Ryan´s last blog ..How To Believe In Yourself When Those Closest To You Doubt You
Twitter: Armen
March 3, 2010 at 7:21 pm
Hi Ryan.
Thanks about the table. This reminds me to keep the option of using a table in a post in mind.
You are right that once we ID thoughts and thought patterns, we then have the ability to change them. Our mental assumptions are usually way off. We think we have $200 of books in our bookshelf when there is actually $500 of books, which we don’t find out until we actually add up their values, one by one. It is smart to assess what we have physically and mentally.
Nice writing Armen. The chart was a great example of how a problem changes according to your attitude. Too often mood is the deciding force, positive or negative. I need to remember, “You always get more of what you think about.” If that makes sense.
p.s Great work replying to so many comments. Makes for interesting reading.
Twitter: Armen
March 3, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Hi Martin.
Thanks about my writing. I try to continually improve upon it in one way or another.
Mood sure is a force to be reckoned with. When we are in a certain mood, we can be more productive in 30 minutes than we would be in 4 hours with another mood.
I sure like replying to comments and pointing out more of what comes to my mind. I have all these items that roll through my mind that I was filtering out before, but now I usually release them, like air from a balloon.
I have various items I still haven’t released or showcased, but I’m sure I will one day.
Twitter: marcwinitz
March 3, 2010 at 8:24 pm
Armen,
A good read and discussion here. I’ve always viewed fear being the crutch that one’s ego leans on. In other words fear is simply a representation of how you perceive yourself. Apply that standard to the table you created above and one can gauge their own level of perception in any of the categories.
Marc
Marc Winitz´s last blog ..Tsunami of Change – Make a Breakthrough
Twitter: Armen
March 5, 2010 at 12:56 am
Hi Marc.
Thanks there. Fear sure is a crutch. It only works for a short period of time, and then the results are worse than they would have been had the fear not been allowed to have control.
It sure does relate to how we perceive ourselves. When we see ourselves in tip-top shape, fear doesn’t have much of a chance.
As someone who suffers from social anxiety disorder, I can relate to this a ton. An additional part of the equation, I think, is that other people don’t necessarily have to think that you are weak just because you have some fears. Some of the most courageous leaders this world has seen, Gandhi, for example, had a very timid demeanor for some time.
Instead, it might be an opportunity to exercise compassion and see what this person’s all about. Perhaps they have fears which are not relevant to the situation, and in reality they have something wonderful to offer. Just because on the surface someone appears insecure doesn’t mean that they are totally insecure, just a little nervous about the situation. Many opportunities have been missed this way. Interesting article though, and for the most part, it demonstrates how most people think.
Twitter: Armen
March 5, 2010 at 1:05 am
Hi Dan.
Some big leaders sure have been quiet in their presentation. You are right that others can’t always assess what is going on in our minds. I lead a different world in my mind than most would assume, and there is no way for them to see it.
It sure is worth seeing what a person has to offer. Some insecure individuals are waiting for someone to come and give them more of a chance. The person who does usually is the one who is a real giver.
I’ve stuck to these thoughts for the past year – in my mind, there is absolutely no possible chance im going to fail.
Anthony Feint´s last blog ..Is Your Business Becoming a Chore?
Twitter: Armen
March 5, 2010 at 1:07 am
Hi Anthony.
That is a strong set of thoughts you have in your thinking. The way you said that, it does sound like you are unstoppable or unable to fail in that respect. It is great to have this type of demeanor.
An individual who doesn’t feel that they can fail will see failure as a small step they jump over, leading to the good results.
Armen, yes, thank you very much for this excellent post. Your table provides a nice organization and quick check. Thoughts are empowering because they do exactly that – they tap into our power so that we gain access to what is already there within us. Fearful thoughts can make us act fearfully, and we project that fear into our relationships and situations. Others respond to that fear, which may mirror their own fears, and the relationship suffers. By empowering ourselves we empower others, because our empowerment is reflected in our thoughts and actions. Yet fear can be a necessary step in our growth. The very fact that we fear something means it has surfaced for us. Sometimes being frightened for awhile is just the space we need before we engage the courage that shifts our fear and leads us to empowerment. Speaking of fear, please visit my latest blog post if you have time – surely the situation I write about can only have arisen out of some deep fear and mistrust. I always appreciate your visits – Catrien Ross.
Catrien Ross´s last blog ..Catrien Ross on Blasting Mount Fuji to Bits – Does Live-Fire Artillery Count As a Spiritual Distraction?
Twitter: Armen
March 7, 2010 at 9:49 am
Hi Catrien.
I am glad to have provided it. I liked making that there table.
Thoughts sure do tap into our power. The right ones do, at least. When I think that the day is in my hands, the day is suddenly in my hands. When I think the day is run by others, I am suddenly not so relevant in my own day.
You have a valid point there about empowerment being spread. It is hard to see someone who is empowered and not absorb a bit of that.
Fear does tell us a lot about where we need work. We usually ignore it repeatedly, though.
I will check on your article. Good to hear from you.
I am so glad I lasted on your blog today and then read this post. I had never been an anxious person all my life but due to very terrible experience in the recent past, I am suddenly finding myself giving in to fear and insecurities which have no rational basis. Which isn’t good because I also just started a new relationship.. So reading your empowering thoughts when it comes to relationships was empowering
I have to learn to tell myself that I am an important part of this relationship – simply saying that in my mind makes a huge difference. So thanks a ton for this post and all your other ones.. I have been pouring over all your entries since this morning!
Miss OverThinker´s last blog ..free falling
Twitter: Armen
May 8, 2010 at 8:33 am
Hi there.
I hear you about giving into fear and insecurities. Most people give into them quite regularly. It is valuable to keep them out of your new relationship as much as possible before a routine including them could get under way.
You certainly are an important part of any relationship you are in. We often forget this.
I appreciate the nice comments and support.
Twitter: calmgrowth
May 8, 2010 at 5:46 am
I liked this post because it really can be practically applied.
Excellent tips and post Armen…
Marko — Calm Growth´s last blog ..Interview with Kevin Jacinto (Baker)
Twitter: Armen
May 8, 2010 at 8:34 am
Hi Marko.
It sure can be practically applied. I use it pretty often. Re-framing circumstances makes them completely different for us, so it is like we are altering reality(partially).
Thanks about the post.