A reader of the site has asked me to discuss extreme situations and the aftermath that follows them, where you assess the mistakes that you made during the predicament. Here is an area of analytical importance, because looking at how you respond to uncommon situations that take you completely out of your comfort zone is a way to easily see where your weaknesses and strengths are. It is said that the situations you get into will always be ones you can handle at that time, or else they would not be provided to you. It is up to you to learn from them.
See How You Respond
The examples that were provided to me by the reader were of a woman’s purse being snatched in public, or an unexpected argument becoming intense quickly. In the situation of a purse being snatched, you might not respond well to the situation as it occurs, but can then see how you responded. Let’s say you, assuming you have a purse, which is potentially the case if you are female, responded to someone attempting to steal it by cowering in fear. This would let you know that you need to start working on your defensive responses to others. Backing away from conflict doesn’t tend to reduce how much of it you confront, and tends to reduce your preparedness to deal with it.
Studying What Pulled You Into An Argument
In the example of the aftermath of an intense argument, that is the time where you see what in the argument caught you off guard and caused you to get sucked into a cycle of unhelpful communication. By seeing what triggered your loss of verbal self-control, you can get a better sense of what you either need to confront head on, or clear out of your daily routine, so that you don’t end up in the same kind of argument later on. Taking a pro-active sense in this type of instance can keep you out of future arguments that you would regret having, as the time lost during one of that type can’t be redeemed.
Don’t Relive The Experience
The idea behind analyzing an uncommon intense situation in your day is that you want to analyze, but not relive, the predicament. If you got into a heavy argument, and find yourself replaying the argument in your head, or even continue the argument with the person after even they were done, the cycle continues. You want to cut it off where its natural ending is, and then analyze it from a distant perspective. There is nothing to gain from doing the same thing twice, as that mostly leads to frustration.
Tough Situations Are Needed
With these occasional pressure-filled situations, you find out more about yourself than you would in weeks of routine activity. Once in a while, it is good to be in a predicament that tests your current ability to respond.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I really like one point you made here Armen. About arguments. If we could stop examining what led us into the argument and start examining WHY we let it BECOME an argument, we would surely have more verbal self control in future discussions. Powerful stuff…
Mike: I agree with you there and like the wording that you used as well. I can see myself quoting the line that starts with “If” to help certain folks when they get into circular arguments that don’t solve anything. That is powerful stuff. It gets the focus on right where it should be.
Another point I would add to this is to only let arguments build up at most for one or two minutes before cutting them off in some way or leaving the situation. It prevents the argument from becoming too involved, and still gives the other person time to get their main viewpoint across.