Is Your Personality Energizing To Those Around You?

I have recently read a good chunk of the book The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement by Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell.  Of many messages I came across in it, one underlying theme was that narcissism is not beneficial for the people around the narcissist.  The narcissist uses people around them for energy, or as fuel, and so the others are left dried out when the narcissist is done with them.  There was more to it, but this is a concept worth discussing.

How Does Narcissism Relate?

Narcissism is “An exceptional interest in and admiration for yourself”, according to the quick definition from WordWeb, which I recommend that you download and use.  According to what I got from this book, you can tell that you are a definition narcissist if you are sucking the energy off of people around you just to maintain your habits.  Therefore, if you had a worry about this, see if you are providing those around you with an uplifting presence or a decrease in energy/concern/effort.  You can probably assess this quickly.  If you energize those around you, you are not likely to be a narcissist, or at least not likely to be labeled one.  If you use others mainly for your own benefit, well, you can see what that could mean.

Narcissism Starts with ‘N’ Just Like Negative

The reason that narcissism has a negative connotation, while self-esteem has a positive connotation, is that narcissism doesn’t have a positive long-term component to it.  What I got from various sections of this book is that the use of people as fuel is the main problem.  It ignores the people who are the source of that fuel.

Sometimes It Is Better To Improve Within Before Looking Outward

Is it better to conversate where you try to absorb some of someone else’s energy or goodness, or to not conversate at all?  Sometimes you really would do well to have the conversation, because you can be in an occasional slump and desire some feedback and empathy.  On the other hand, if this is a regular trend, it is probably better to not have the same type of conversation with the same person.  You want to be in the habit of being an uplifting or energizing presence, in general, to those who you come in contact with.  This will keep you fulfilled.

Taking The Energy Of Others Will Get You Poor Labels

Although they are somewhat separate concepts, regarding narcissism and energizing others, I see them as quite connected.  On a related note, I see many terms that people use that indirectly mean something like “energy absorber”.  A lot of the words we use to describe people as bad in some way are meant to say that their actions brought us down.  Words like “annoying”, “creepy”, “frustrating”, “stupid”, “ignorant”, “disappointing”, and so on are often used to basically say that a person was not thinking about us or providing energy to us, and was more concerned with their own satisfaction.

Energizing A Few People Trumps Doing Little For Many

Returning to the question mentioned in the title, you want to check your energy levels in relation to those you come in contact with.  It is much better to have 5 people who you always energize and get fulfillment from, than 50 people you contact with and draw energy from whenever you get the chance.  This is one of those examples of “don’t stretch yourself thin”.  It is better to be connected with person A and B, who you have very mutually beneficial relations with, than to be connected with persons A B C D E F G and H, and not have the willpower or enthusiasm to give much to any.

Many Mutual Partners Of This Type Are Already Benefiting

On the Earth right now, there are many people who have one specific person who is their mutually beneficial person of choice, and so anyone outside of that partnership doesn’t see how much each person benefits from the relationship.  It is like there are deals going on that only the two people involved in the deal know about.  If you feel like one person suits you best as your energizing partner, then that is the way to go, and there is nothing wrong with not having 30 people at that same relational level to you.  On the flip side, make sure to not take that person, or two people for example if there are two, for granted, as I discussed in a recent article.

Do you generally energize those you come into contact with?  Would you do better to reduce the number of people you try to directly empower through your presence?  Let me know your thoughts in relation to these concepts, and/or regarding narcissism, in the comments.

Tagged as: energizing, narcissism, Relationships, the narcissism epidemic