Really Helping Others Requires Inner Strength

I was reading a book called How Doctors Think, by Jerome Groupman, M.D., and it contains many examples of situations doctors face in dealing with patients.  I recorded information about one example because it linked to a bigger concept that we can all recognize.

An Actual Doctor-Patient Example

The example involved a Dr. Myron Fulchuk, who had a patient that came in and had been feeling indigestion and/or heartburn for several weeks.  The doctor bonded closely with the patient, and so he kept him on antacids and other medications, instead of giving him some more invasive tests to check for more serious problems.  When the patient later came back in a worse condition, it was found that he had gastric lymphoma, a treatable cancer, the whole time.  Dr. Falchuk was disappointed about his treatment and said “I just didn’t want to subject someone of this age, whom I liked so much, to the strain of the procedure.”

Showing Concern Has Tough Aspects

This example tells us that we show care most by saying and doing what needs to be said and heard, regardless of initial resistance or possible anger.  Real concern includes being able to handle the person you are trying to help not talking to you for a day or two, or acting stand-offish around you for a week.  You have to be ready for any tough responses, like a parent who has to be able to handle their child slamming their door, or acting in some other rebellious way.

This type of concern is reserved for helping those you really want to help.  Unless you are a person of big character, there are probably very few people you want to put out the energy to help in this way.

You Won’t Always Get An Instant Gold Star

Just like some scientists make discoveries that are not appreciated for years, and some artists have many paintings that are not so valuable until decades after they were created or the artist passed away, really helping others can have a delayed or negligible thankful response associated with it.  When you hit someone hard with the truth, they might avoid you for a period of time, or treat you differently, or any assortment of reactions.  The truth does hurt in the short term, but it helps in the long term, so you can always rest well knowing that you will either hear of the good later, or you will at least know that you were on the side of good.

See If It Is Worth It To You

Is it worth it to be good in this way?  This is a question you have to ask yourself.  If you really want to help someone else, there is sometimes a temporary price to pay for this support.  Maybe you want to bring someone’s health-related issue to light, and they have been trying to keep it not spoken about.  There will certainly be resistance in the process, but you might end up becoming the reason they quit smoking, or exercise regularly, or eat more vegetables, or so on.  This is true in other categories as well.  Maybe you see someone you care about building relationships with people who are a bad influence.  Not only will they resist your messages about their low-quality relationships, but the other people might find out and also resist.

Real help is usually hard, but it is either the hard way, or the path where you see someone you care about making errors that you know they can correct.  The latter path might actually be the harder one.

photo credit: DeaPeaJay

Tagged as: difficult, doctors, helping others, long-term, strength