When is the last time someones high expectations of you helped you out, and actually altered the path you wanted to take in a positive way? It is said that satisfaction = reality – expectations. This is not referring to expectations like that of someone expecting you to turn something into them when you told them you would. Here I am referring to expectations that you did not agree to, that were placed on you, and that are holding you down from proceeding forward on your efforts. I discuss their origin, and what you can do to respond to them.
Regular vs. Externally-Provided Expectations
Expectations are set on you when you say you will turn in an assignment. This is more than reasonable as you accepted the challenge. On the other end of the spectrum is expectations others have of you that you didn’t agree to directly, but that are weighing you down because you have silently let them take hold, and have let the people who set them on you maintain them(notice I left out the expectations you have publicly cancelled out, because those will not have any effects on you). Therefore, although the problem did not originate from you, the error is/was in your response to the problem.
When You Are Thinking “No”, Say “No” Quickly
If someone asks you to do something that you don’t see yourself doing, and you don’t say “no” in some form right away, you have provided an inkling that you might do it, and will feel weak. The other person will capitalize on your weakness, not necessarily because you are their enemy, but because they now have someone to use as a topic of blame in case the item doesn’t get done(“I thought he would take care of it since he didn’t decline.”).
In the same way, if an expectation is placed on you in some way, you will certainly recognize it due to the pressure attached with it, and then have the opportunity to cancel it boldly. If you are fine with the expectation, and are up for the challenge, that is just fine. On the other hand, if something you are not interested in is being handed off to you to be indirectly labeled as your own goal, speak your mind right there.
Don’t Let Others Leave Unfinished Business In Your Mind
When you don’t instantly say “no” in some form, manipulative individuals will use that as a sign that there is a possible “yes” in place, and go with the “yes”. An instant “no” will often get some harsh response, since it cancels out the other person’s effort to pack your thoughts with their expectations; however, they won’t be in your thoughts a few hours later to feel your frustration, but you will, so it is your job to protect your future self from getting disappointed over another person’s creation.
If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome. – Michael Jordan
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That was an interesting post. How you handle expectations is a major determinant of well-being. I wonder if the best way to remove the negative effects is to program yourself not to personalize expectations but instead treat them only as information which can be objectively analyzed.
Hugh: That is a cool way to think about it. Cutting out the personalization of what is being placed on you then leaves it as an on/off switch to either accept or cancel upon. That does clear out any annoyance directed at the person providing the expectation. Thanks for informing about that.