The words that are spoken/written by you are heard/read by others through the 
intent behind them. Others will hear the words you are saying, but their minds will filter those words based on what they feel you are trying to accomplish by sending the message. With this in mind, you can remember that it doesn’t serve your cause or mission to say something that doesn’t represent your actual vision or future plans. It may seem like it would be a clever way of getting ahead, but it will hold you back for a few reasons:
1. Having a difference between your communicated intent and actual intent will cause you to miss out on assistance from people that would have been interested in helping you reach your actual plans. For example, you might have a job you are trying to finish, and instead of telling someone who asks about it that you are completing it in a hurry to meet its deadline, you tell him that you are just adding finishing touches to it. Although your goal was to have him think that you are in control of your assignments, your comment has served to forfeit any chance that there was that he would help you finish on time.
2. Resentment can build up when others see that you are saying something that is not representative of your goal. Let’s say you are building up a business. If you are talking to a friend about it, and are looking to get them to help you order some parts from a company they could get you a discount for, it would be a bad idea to act like that was not your goal from the beginning of the conversation. They might let it slip one or two times, but after a few times of speaking in a way that doesn’t match your interest/intent, they will either point out this problem/discrepancy, or ignore you in some way to protect themselves from having to figure out what you really mean in your communications.
3. Yet another issue that could arise if you don’t speak/write that which represents your actual intent is that you may lose a sense of direction towards your intended goal. If you are growing a tendency to tell people statements to lead them in a direction that doesn’t match your chosen path, you might end up heading in that unintended direction to fit the expectations of others. Connected to this is that you could end up wasting your time trying to catch up to expectations others have of you based on your miscommunicated statements. A cycle of misdirection or loss of direction could become the result.
The shortcut of misrepresenting your intent to benefit in the short-term is quickly found to be problem-causing after the initial instant gratification is absorbed. Individuals you deal with are quick to figure out if they are being led in a direction on purpose, so concealing it more just makes the problem larger. People that have a better sense of your intent, regardless of its expected value to them, will be in a better position to provide you with a level of support that matches your current status.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I tend to speak much more than I write – and out of your three points, the third seems to present the most challenge for myself.
Wasting time making an attempt to catch up almost always results in a vicious cycle of misdirection indeed.
I would add in that that third point is one that tends be more hidden than the others. We may think we are going along smoothly, and don’t realize that we are going along smoothly towards a goal that is not our own.
The single biggest thing holding me back is my lack of proper verbal communication skills. I know what I want to say, but I have the worse time communicating it. I guess I need to think things though a little more…
I find that in actual conversations, because you have to speak on the run so to speak, many people do not have the actual capacity to enunciate their thoughts properly. So what they actually say does not represent their actual intent.
Sometimes it is advantageous to take a moment to think before committing yourself to speak.
I agree with Sire it is important to take a moment to think before committing yourself to speak.
Great post.
Matthew, that is one of those skills that I would guess that you are obtaining quite quickly at this time since you recognize your issue and have the internet to practice it through.
Sire, people sure do say things in person that don’t full represent what they would want to say.
Salwa, that moment of delay before speaking can make all the difference.