photo credit: JasonRogersFotographie
This post connects to Hulbert’s post over at From Bottom Up about no longer using his pen name of ‘Tristan’. To give some background on the article, he was using the name ‘Tristan’ on his site and various sites, instead of his real name ‘Hulbert’, partly due to being self-conscious.
A Shortcoming To You May Not Even Be Noticed By Others
I don’t know about you, but I see Hulbert as just as good of a name as Tristan. While Hulbert is now using his real name, and the issue has been cleared up, there is something very valid to take from this. We do very similar things to this in other ways when we hold back pieces of ourselves from others, thinking it will make us look better, or that we won’t look as ‘bad’ as we think we are in some aspect.
Regarding Hulbert’s name, I see no benefit from using Tristan over Hulbert. I would say this was the same for many of his readers. While he was thinking that he was making a good decision to look more normal or good, many of us probably didn’t take much notice.
Don’t Hide Yourself From Others
We have to use this example to look at where we are holding back in some way. If you are hiding a part of yourself from someone else, you will want to now think of if hiding that part is actually benefiting you or the relationship in some way. It has been said that 95% of fears never materialize in the bad way we have imagined them, and this is also true in these cases. Not telling a friend of yours about your interest in one day doing research on magnets, or of one of your health issues that you deal with every few days, or some other piece of information you may be self-conscious about, is not usually worth much for you.
Check If Your Priorities Are In Line With What Others Think They Are
Sometimes the things that are huge to us are not even noticed by others. The person who fears others, or can’t get their schedule in order, or so on, usually tries to cover up these things, when covering them up is almost worth $0. It’s not really enjoyable to talk about how you were spending all this effort covering up something in the past, and then to have the person listening tell you that they didn’t notice, and would have been just fine with things the other way around. It makes you feel like your effort was tossed away.
If anything came up in your mind during this article, you might want to “reveal your pen name”, filling the ‘pen name’ in that phrase with your own issue. People don’t want you throwing away energy for nothing. Back to the original story, I am glad to now know the host of From Bottom Up as Hulbert Lee.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Great article Armen! Thanks for sharing.
.-= Oscar – freestyle mind´s last blog ..Planning For The New Year =-.
Hey Oscar.
Thanks for that. I sure felt I had to bring out the message from the situation, because while Hulbert’s issue was small, we do the same thing in some other ways, and it is a larger issue in many of those cases.
Social anxiety is a reducer of one’s ability.
Great point you got here Armen. The fact that our fears expand themselves simply because of our enclosed focus on them. It gives us the illusion that the things we are conscious of are as big of an issue as we have expanded them to be in our minds.
It’s great to finally see Hulbert’s real name on the web, it seems that blogging about personal development really do help out sometimes.
On a related note…your name is really Armen right? lol
.-= Steven´s last blog ..Intellectual understanding Vs. Intuitive connection =-.
Hey Steven.
I thought I made a terrible point here but I will take your word for it that it was a great point.
This is a good call about our fears expanding. That way to put it has good imagery in it. They expand until they are blocking our view and actions. I just won’t do that nowadays, but maybe I am still doing it in some way that is blocking even bigger actions.
I sure agree about seeing Hulbert. I feel like we are down with the real fellow now.
On that note about my name, my name sure is Armen. I am having it switched to Tristan, though.
Hi Armen.
Very pertinent article.
The paradox is that the more you try to hide parts of yourself, the more you try to fit in with how others think you should be, the more hard you become to relate to.
One has to learn to stop treading on eggshells.
WHen we show all of ourselves, warts and all, we are more human, and therefore more likeable.
It also ties in very closely with Debbie Ford and her shadow-work.
Steve
Hey Steve.
Before I even respond, we are surrounded by Steves and Stevens here people. There are Steves and Stevens all over the place.
Thanks about the article. This is true about the relation point there. I like the way you worded it. We make the hole, and then fill it with things that don’t fill it, like a sinkhole.
I have something at this time that I have been holding back but will show in a later post as well.
I hadn’t heard about Debbie Ford previously, but now I have.
Thanks for this sir.
Armen, you’re rocking it even on Christmas, nicely done! I agree. When it comes to blogging, putting yourself out there is the best thing you can do, because it allows people to connect with you. Hulbert or Tristan, it doesn’t really matter to me. They’re both awesome names!
.-= Henri @ Wake Up Cloud´s last blog ..How Money Can Make You Happier (But Only If Used in the Right Way) =-.
Hey Henri.
Thanks about that. It sure is the best thing you can do. They sure are both awesome names. A name is our identifier~
The more I put myself out there, the more I realize time that I didn’t put myself out there was time that had more potential.
Hi Armen,
Great post, so I had to comment
I think that usually people hide things because they are something they don’t – in a way – accept in themselves. However, in order to change something its existence needs to be acknowledged first. And this means also accepting it as being true. After that it’s time to ponder the motivation for changing it; what are the deep underlying reasons driving the change? Or are there even any?
I remember reading, that it’s those small imperfections that make us more human in the eyes of others. Through those deficiences, insecurities, or problems others find a way to relate with us. Maybe this will help you consider those things you’re self-conscious about a bit differently
//sami
.-= Sami Paju´s last blog ..Why I don’t follow news: Case H1N1 =-.
Hey Sami.
That’s what I like to hear. “Armen the post was so amazing I couldn’t even think and my mind automatically left a comment before I could realize it~.”
Interesting point there about how we don’t accept the item in ourselves when we hold it back from others. I hadn’t thought about that. I think you are right actually. That is some wonderful point to bring up. If we accept it, then we wouldn’t want to hold back on it huh. I like that.
Those small imperfections sure are our good, but most think they are our bad. That is why I put them out there more and more also.
Very insightful there Sami.
Twitter: bretthimself
December 24, 2009 at 7:59 am
Fantastic post, Armen. Too many people hold back what they can really offer in this world, because they’re afraid of success. They don’t want the responsibility that you get when you’re successful. They don’t want to be noticed. They don’t want the pressure that comes with it.
Good job, dear sir.
.-= Brett – DareToExpress.com´s last blog ..2009 In Review =-.
Hey Brett.
Success can be a scary thing when people really think about it. There is a lot of new pressures ‘up there’. However, if we aren’t going for that, then we are satisfied with the simpler pressures down here, which some of us are not.
Thanks here.
Wow, I didn’t know if you were really actually write a blog about me. It feels weird… but in a good way. It makes me happy that other people are supporting this. I’m glad to be using my real name now. Thanks for this man. It means a lot.
Hey Hulbert.
I sure planned to and did. The topic was way too valid to not respond to. I had to target it.
Cool there about the meaning to you. I sure like that it is meaningful. It makes the story have a +1 rating on it.
inspiring Armen =)
I am very impressed with how you take Hulbert’s article and built upon it. really really cool ! Loving the article and definitely loving the title too !
.-= Rocky | R O C K O N O V A.COM´s last blog ..Giving Yourself Props For What You’ve Done =-.
Hey Rocky.
Thanks about that. Inspiring is cool to hear of.
I had to build upon what Hulbert laid out there. I saw some of what he did in what I have done in alternate ways. Thanks about the title and message.
We get nothing from holding back.
living as our selves without hiding from the world is both one of the best things to do and one of the scariest. When we step out of the shadows we have kept our selves in we worry that our friends may not like us. But on the other hand when we allow our selves to be our selves then we can relax.
.-= Quinn´s last blog ..Let there be courage =-.
Hey Quinn.
This is a good point. It is scary, because we then have to deal with all this stuff we haven’t dealt with for as long as we were holding back. I only do it once in a while, but when I do it, I am then a bit further down the road, which is a positive.
When we get to that point where we can relax, we are pretty hard to stop.