People’s personalities are fairly fixed in place. As I’ve said before, the person that caused you anguish a week ago is likely to be the same one to cause you anguish a week from now for the same reason that you clashed over last time. We respond in similar ways over time. Due to this, attacking someone for their mistakes is like attacking a wall for being in your way when you run into it.People that understand this concept travel through the day much more smoothly. Using a verbal attack, and attacks of other kinds, shows that you work in short-term thinking. Here I explain why:
What Type Of Thinker Are You?
A low-level thinker will respond quickly to put someone else down for their faults, whereas a high-level thinker will realize that that will bring negative response from the person, as well as bring no benefit to themselves. A high-level thinker might have just as much frustration about the other person’s mistake, but they always put themselves first.
Think About Your Health
The person that gets angry in a conflict, and converts that into attacks on others, wastes energy. Intelligent and wealthy people don’t do this. They save their fights for very rare important occasions where they want to make a point, and even then, they avoid being in high tension or anger. For concern to health, getting riled up, which causes a rise in blood pressure, is not worth any short-term verbal victory benefits.
See If You Attack Others And Adjust As Desired
Next time you see yourself putting someone else down, if that is the case, take note of it. See if attacking someone helped you. Whether it was a driver of another car, a a teacher, a co-worker, or a person on the internet, think for a minute about whether attacking them helped you out as a person. If you do this a few times, you might provide yourself with the answer in actual terms. It is usually better to think through problems by your own experimental analysis.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
This trait is common amongst us. The only way to conquer it is to be aware of yourself. We automatically response when our ego is touched upon, even slightly. It takes wisdom and understanding the go against the urge to attack verbally.
What you have stated about should be put into consideration the next time we are faced in a situation that test our character.
Walter: I’m on the same page with what you are saying. We get a little push and then have our option to respond with.
It is still good to push back, but in a way that helps both parties, which is always doable with some thought. It can be a win-win response, although time or effort will be lost.
Hi Armen from Canada. Your post is near and dear to my heart. If I can expand the idea of “intelligence” for a moment, I’ll explain why. Imagine the word intelligence doesn’t just mean “book smarts” like it commonly does today. Let’s say each of us has our own kind of intelligence we can grow from infancy to adulthood, that makes us who we are. Pretend everyone is a different kind of flower for example, and blossoming is how we show our unique intelligence to the world. O.K., so now we can look at your insightful post a bit differently. Now we’ll say that growing, blossoming people don’t put others down. It’s not so much a matter of “brain power” as it is “growing up”. The way I would put it is….”grown-ups don’t put other people down”. As I point out in A Cry For Help (the book), there’s a really good reason for this too. It’s because grown-ups realize that other people are different parts of who they are. They understand intuitively that you and I are like different petals on One flower. That means me putting you down would be putting myself down. Great post Armen. Keep on sharing your ideas with the world. Ciao. John Duffield
John: I sure like how you put this material. The way you have converted it creates a florid image in our minds. I agree with many of these points that anyone putting others down wouldn’t realize. That point about us putting someone else down being like putting ourselves down connects with the idea that our consciousness’ are all related. There is no point in ignoring that.
It sure is a step in growing up to figure this out. Wise, or sagacious, to make use of that cool word, people pass a certain stage in blossoming where they would no longer see value in attacking others for the reasons you have pointed out.
Thanks for the great comment and imagery in it, as it was a valid expansion to the article.
Very well said.
hi.my brothers wife keeps putting us down(the family)to the point where it really hurts our feelings & our egos and none of us have the guts to say anything to her or to stand up to her or my brother.its like were all scared of her.She picks on our clothes or how pretty she is compared to us.she lets me feel she’s better than us.She lets us feel that we are ugly and cheap she’s really got me doubting myself.always competing she really thinks she is stronger.her and my brother walk around like they have all this power & were not allowed to say anything.tell them off or anything.she makes me so angry.is it wiser to just ignor her?
With someone, who has major anger issues, the verbal response, you suggest, may only enrage them more, BECAUSE they are smart enough to know you are messing with their heads…and it will annoy the hell out of them. It will almost feel like a counter-attack to them. Yes, they may walk away annoyed because of the way you responded, BUT it will not cool their inner issues. Trust me, they will be looking for a place, further down the road, to gain a Top Dog, domineering position again. Some people are human steam engines of anger.