The basis behind this message is that people’s personalities are quite fixed in place. You might notice that someone you know acts very similarly to the way they acted ten years ago. With this idea in mind, it is beneficial to not keep trying to get someone to do something they don’t normally do. Here I discuss why this is, and how your “social efficiency” improves when you work with people in a way that is suited to them:
Basketball Example
In the past, I used to invite many people together to play basketball. This would include people who were very interested in playing basketball, and people who weren’t interested in playing at all. While it would go well, after a few times that this occurred, I would notice that the people who weren’t interested in playing would only really be doing it for the group, and would still not enjoy the matches. My goal of getting everyone to play was partially going against the interests of some, and it wasn’t until I noticed this and stuck with people who would play basketball whether I went or not, that the average intensity of the matches as a whole would increase since everyone was fully on board.
Business Example
Let’s say you are trying to reach the market of fiction book readers with your book, but it doesn’t fit well into the average type of fiction book. You would do well to show off many of the things about your book that do make it like the bestsellers you want to match in selling intensity, while still maintaining a couple of lines about your book’s differences. It is key that you don’t sell your book as different in every single way, because people will either think you are trying too hard, or have a book that is not fitting to their interests. People usually have a certain item or aspect they require in their purchase.
People Want To Work With You As Long As You Consider Them
It is often the case that when we run into anguish and issues with other people, it is because we haven’t taken the time to think about their interests that they had long before they met us. If we take a minute to see what others naturally do, we can mesh with them more appropriately, and won’t interfere as much with their progression towards their goals.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I really enjoyed this post! So often everyone is complaining about other people and trying to change them. Sometimes people can (and do!) change, but, more often than not, people are who they are. Why try to battle this? You’ve got it right when you say that we should work with people the way they are. It’s not always easy to do this, but it’s definitely better than fighting with them and trying to change them. Great post!
Dani: Your point “Why try to battle this?” is a fine way to ask people so that they think about it. You don’t see people randomly picking a fight with a lion in the jungle, and in the same way, it doesn’t make sense to try to convert someone’s natural self to a person of your own choosing. Thanks for the commentary.