You might like to discount the effect you have on those around you in a social situation, but the impact you can have is stupendous. You get hundreds of opportunities during the day to showcase your social confidence and ability, but don’t need to utilize all of them, although that could make for a tentative goal. As you are passing through your day, pick out one or two instances, and take your presence to a higher level by pushing positively against others.
One part of the equation is that you need to pick and choose where you showcase your abilities. If you go into the day planning to be the star of each activity that you perform, you are likely to not excel in any of them. You want to “file” your energy for certain times or events where you can go beyond your past experiences. It is important that you push beyond where you have gone in past experiences each day. It doesn’t have to be in the same activity, or with the same person, but as long as some new step is conquered, you will be able to sleep well.
Avoid going into situations thinking that your presence is negligible. This is not the case, as each person in an activity causes an effect on the whole group. Even the person in the corner of the room is noticed by all, and his response is just as relevant as the one from the person giving a speech. When we have a split-second thought about the person in the corner, everyone else is also having a split-second thought about that person. As Steve Pavlina once said in one of his podcasts, our consciences are connected.
Remind yourself regularly that when you head into a situation, your presence is a large part of it. We all are a part of each activity.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I also think the degree of influence differs for different individuals. Malcom Gladwell’s Tipping Point talks about an experiment where people were placed in a room to be observed.
In every group, there was a natural influencer – people whose behavior tends to influence others more than they being influenced by others. It was soon found that the other people in each group were exhibiting moods and behavior of the natural influencers in their respective groups.
This means the presence of some individuals have a greater impact than others.
Charles: I do remember reading about that experiment and do agree that there tends to be influencers and individuals that are not as intent on having a large influence. At the same time, both sets would benefit from recognizing the impact they are having, and the increase in impact they could be having.
Also, in relation to the impact we have, it is occasionally good to take out a piece of paper and write down name and groups of all the people we currently impact, as this can surprise and motivate us each time.