I write this for those who are down at this time, or who have periods of disappointment or downtime, which means this is likely for everyone, so it is not exactly specific, but that is okay sometimes, and this line is also getting really long, with a lot of sections in it. Regardless of that, the message here is that your presence presents opportunity. Downtime is not so relevant when you realize that you have a fighting shot of getting to wherever you want to get to.
Others Can’t Get You Down, And You Control Whether You Do
Let’s say you are feeling down now. A bad interaction occurred with someone else, as you let them down, or you said bad things to them, or you lied and it is pulling on you, or you are in a situation that will show your lack of ability, or you feel that you are not getting as much done as those around you, etc. While it certainly makes sense to think about it, or to process how to get to a stable point from where you are, it doesn’t make sense to watch two hours of TV, drink some beers, get angry at someone, stay in a mode of depression, or otherwise let your time fly by while not correcting the situation.
Be Careful Of Letting Time Slip By When Feeling Down
The thing you will regret most about feeling down is letting three hours of your time fly by in a state of disappointment. The state of disappointment will disappear, but the time you lost won’t reappear. Sometimes we make the excuse that we are thinking through a matter during the time, but we will actually spend two hours disappointed with five minutes of those two hours used for repairing the situation. This is a cover-up, and cover-ups only lead to you losing something, and not someone else.
You Are Here So You Have Return Capabilities
Your presence means that you can spring back up and respond with double the energy you need to fix a situation. Other people are not able to control your response, or anything about you for that matter, as that is all in your hands. You can show them why you are the one they rely on, or believe in, or what not, through your response actions.
Repeat: Don’t Let That Time Slip Away
If you hit a setback or feel disappointment, spring back up like a spring. Two hours of leisure activity won’t help clear up the issue. Bounce up like a bouncy ball. I will make a list of lines about this:
- spring into action
- jump back into making an effort
- pretend you already cleared up the disappointment
- view loss of time(AKA waste) as the real disappointment
When you realize that you have a problem in place, kick into high gear. These items may sound obvious, but I hope you remember them next time you see 30 minutes of your time drift away in a disappointment session. Here is a flowchart I made to illustrate the message here:
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Armen,
I think this is the right post for a lot of people. Feeling down seems to be more common these days, including me (and I’m usually Mr. Positivity
). Good advice about actively working through your issue. I think this is the best way to create a positive cicle that gets you creating results and feeling better (not necesarily in this order).
I also think it’s important for us to detach a little from our goals, and realize that not achieving something we want is unpleasant, but it’s not the end of the word. This can give us some leverage over the situation.
Eduard
Hey Mr. Positivity.
That’s a good point. We have to get that cycle going, so we don’t get into the other cycle of waste. I am using this same advice that I give.
Our goals sure can suck our energy away if they are mismanaged or set up in an unfruitful way. If I set a goal to learn a new recipe every day for the next month, and then start getting behind, the goal might as well reduce my enthusiasm for the whole month.
Good post. It’s important for us to remember that WE control our feelings. Others may affect us, but we ultimately have responsibility for our own thoughts and feelings.
Hey Eric.
Cool, and yes we do. I can’t control what you do in Eden Journal. I just can’t do it. I also can’t control how you feel over there. I also can’t control Eduard from the last comment. We each have our own inclinations, and that is a great thing.
Taking responsibility is where victory comes from.
Twitter: bretthimself
November 12, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Your post was just what I needed today, man. I’ve been feeling a little low-energy and have tons of work to get done, so I won’t let my bad state influence my work.
4 hours of working on a lab report, starting… now. I can’t waste my time.
Hey Brett.
I hope it did help in that respect. I know when I see a post that is fitting sometimes, and nothing can beat it. I bet your lab report turns/turned out just fine.
Thanks for that.
Twitter: aflourishinglif
November 13, 2009 at 3:47 am
Well said, Armen – and love your flow chart. So here is our choice: ignore, deny, defend, distract, go numb – or deal with, solve, embrace, be compassionate with ourselves. There is nothing wrong with being down, it’s about what happens next. A great reminder to help ourselves. Thanks so much.
Hi Gail.
Thanks for that, and I enjoyed making that flowchart too. Good call about those choices. I like that elaboration of the points there. We can go the wrong way or go the right way. I had to reread those choice you wrote down there a couple of times so I can remember what are all the ones on the side that isn’t helpful. I will copy them here to showcase them: “ignore, deny, defend, distract, go numb”. Anytime I feel one of those occurring, I will switching over to dealing with, solving, or accepting.
Twitter: ryanbiddulph
November 13, 2009 at 8:33 am
Hi Armen,
I like your flowchart.
It seems so easy to hold onto feelings, so difficult to let go. With practice, living in the moment becomes more effortless. You made a great list of affirmations to repeat to yourself. When feeling down you’re repeating, “I am so angry, upset, and I can’t believe that this happened,” to yourself on a subsconscious level. When you eventually release these ideas, you feel guilty: “I feel guilty, I wasted so much time. Oh woe is me!” You can’t hear these words because they’re running in the background, deep in your mind. You need to make the choice to embrace the feeling of being depressed, let go of it, and repeat the positive ideas to your mind. Over, over, and over. It takes time to let go of destructive thoughts and feelings quickly but like any habit it will happen with practice.
Hi Ryan.
I do the flowchart for you Ryan, among others. That sounds good when you say it becomes “effortless”. I think you might be right there. We can get to a point where downtimes are an instant signal that we use to make quick changes to how we are responding. Good call about the background thinking we have during those times. I think it is a habit you said, and as we know, we can alter our habits. Good empowering thoughts there.
Hi Armen,
nicely done on the post and the diagram, it is a very useful resource of reminder to those who feel down consistently.
I agree with what you say, that springing back into action and actually getting into solving the problem will ultimately give a positive result.
But that is the main problem here, many people who are consistently down are the people who have basically stopped taking actions towards solving their problems. Meaning that they lack any motivations to improve their lives simply because of what they’ve experienced in the past.
What would you say to them to give them the motivation to take actions in the first place?
Steven
Hey Steven.
Thanks for that about both.
I like what you have presented here as the other part of the issue, and I will go ahead and handle that response in a follow-up article. It’s good that you brought that up because I have fitting material for that.
Thank you for asking the question, which then leads to my next article(or possibly next after next.)
This is a good post and an important topic. We all need to figure out those ways to successfully manage through those challenging times because the reality is that life is just not perfect 100% of the time. We are going to encounter those periods when things are not flowing as easily as we would like or falling into place the way we desired. The key is working through those periods in the best manner we can and preserving a good frame of mind. The flowchart is good and so are the pointers. Thanks for sharing them.
Hi Sibyl.
Thanks about the post. We can’t forget about it not being 100% all the time. Sometimes we think it is 100% all the time, and forget about the rest, and then it comes back and hits us. As long as we keep that in our mind, it can’t hit us hard.
Thanks about the flowchart. Good to hear from you.
im completely guilty of letting time slip away. Great post!
Hey Anthony.
I appreciate the honesty, and the same is true for me, many times. The value of time takes recognition to see. Good call.
I think lots of people are guilty of letting time slip away, I am not an exception. And you are right we should view that as real dissapointment. Great tips Armen, as usual!
Hi Lana.
This is true. It is like water in a cup that leaks out through a hole at the bottom of the cup.
We have to watch for it.
Thanks for the support.
I like to look at it like a circle. When disappointment strikes, you need to complete your circle before you can continue on. People all have different size circles and the idea is to work on making your own circle as small as possible. Of course you can go on and on about what needs to happen inside your circle for you to finish with closure.
Hi Jeanette.
It is certainly a circle of cycling circles. We have to not let it become a habit. The minute you see something bad become a habit, crush it right there.
Interesting about making the circle smaller. I hadn’t thought of it like that.